The power of tenderness

In this episode of The World of Liesbet, I welcome Stephanie Koziej, an interdisciplinary scholar, artist, teacher and activist whose work brings together philosophy, science, technology, art and human connection. As I mention in the introduction, Stephanie and I were introduced by mutual colleagues after hearing, independently, that we really should meet. That first conversation quickly revealed how many questions we have in common: about technology and humanity, ethics and creativity, and how we can shape change while keeping people at the center.

Our conversation explores what it means to create change in a world that often prefers certainty over transformation. We begin by reflecting on the language we use. While I explain why I like the term agent of change, Stephanie questions the word agent itself and instead speaks about facilitating change, creating space for new ideas, and embracing uncertainty as an essential part of growth. It is a seemingly small discussion about words, but one that immediately opens a much broader conversation about agency, curiosity and the environments that allow people and ideas to evolve.

That perspective is deeply rooted in Stephanie's own story. Growing up in Tongeren, surrounded by history and fascinated by archaeology, she discovered early on that the world has not always looked the way it does today. For her, history became a reminder that our ways of living, thinking and relating to one another are not fixed truths but human constructions. That fascination eventually led her to philosophy, where asking questions became not only a personal habit but also a profession.

One idea keeps returning throughout the episode: interesting things happen at the boundaries. Stephanie explains why she has always felt drawn to the intersections between disciplines rather than the disciplines themselves. Her years in the United States strengthened this conviction. There she found an academic culture where philosophy could naturally meet feminist theory, queer studies, technology and the arts, allowing her to explore complex human questions from multiple perspectives rather than through a single disciplinary lens.

A central thread throughout the conversation is tenderness, the concept that has shaped much of Stephanie's research. Starting from deeply personal questions about intimacy and relationships, she gradually began to investigate why certain expressions of closeness are celebrated while others are dismissed or even pathologised. Her research eventually expanded far beyond sexuality, becoming a broader exploration of vulnerability, care, connection and the social narratives that influence how we relate to ourselves and to one another. Rather than viewing tenderness as something soft or fragile, Stephanie argues that it requires courage. It asks us to remain open in a society that often rewards autonomy, self-sufficiency and control.

Our discussion naturally extends beyond research into everyday life. We talk about motherhood, education and academia, and about the challenge of staying true to your values while navigating systems that do not always reward curiosity or interdisciplinarity. Stephanie openly reflects on returning to Belgium after eight years in the United States, the search for an academic environment where her work can continue to grow, and the balancing act between professional ambitions and family life. Rather than offering a polished success story, she shares the uncertainty that often accompanies meaningful choices and the hope that keeps her moving forward.

One of my favourite moments in the conversation emerges when I reflect on something I observed while Stephanie was speaking. Whenever she talked about something that truly mattered to her, she instinctively placed her hands on her chest, almost as if reconnecting with herself before answering. That observation sparked a beautiful exchange about intuition. I realised that although we recognised many of the same experiences, we had often responded to them very differently. Where Stephanie tended to question the systems around her when something felt fundamentally misaligned, I often questioned myself. Yet we both arrived at a similar conclusion: sometimes what we need most are the right words, concepts and frameworks to understand that our experience is not wrong, simply different.

That insight becomes one of the central messages of the episode. Philosophy, critical thinking and creativity do more than help us analyse the world. They allow us to recognise that many of the structures we take for granted are social constructions rather than universal truths. Once we can name them, we also gain the freedom to question them and imagine alternatives. As Stephanie beautifully puts it, finding the right concepts can give us permission to be different rather than simply adapting ourselves to expectations that may never have served us in the first place.

The conversation closes with a reflection on education, activism and hope. Stephanie describes her role as a teacher not as someone who provides answers, but as someone who creates spaces where students feel safe enough to question dominant narratives, trust their intuition and develop their own voice. Change, she argues, never happens in isolation. It requires environments where people feel seen, supported and encouraged to think differently.

This episode is an invitation to think differently about change, connection and curiosity. But above all, it is a conversation about creating spaces where people can become more fully themselves, spaces where asking difficult questions is welcomed, where vulnerability is not seen as weakness, and where meaningful change begins with the courage to imagine that things could be different.

I hope you enjoy listening.

Listen to the episode using this link.

Read more about Stephanie and her work on her website: https://koziejstephanie.com/