People Pleasers Anonymous

"My name is Liesbet and I am a recovering people pleaser."

"Hi Liesbet."

You know the image.

The standard scene from films and series about AA meetings — anonymous alcoholics gathering together, sharing the one thing they have in common, drawing strength from each other's stories, working toward a life where they can leave that first glass untouched.

What if something like that existed for the toxic trait of people pleasing?

I used to struggle with it.

A lot.

For most of my life — certainly my younger years — I felt like I was standing at the edge of things.

Different.

Too much.

Too loud.

Too… (fill in the blank).

Strange.

Which made me feel excluded.

Disconnected.

I looked around and was genuinely baffled by how easy it seemed for everyone else — fitting in, making friends, just living.

So I tried to adapt.

Less loud.

Less movement.

Less strange.

Do what they expect, I thought.

Live life the way it's supposed to look.

Get good grades.

Work hard.

Harder.

Because then they'll like you.

Then you'll belong.

And then — finally — you'll be happy.

That terrible feeling of being left out.

Sitting alone, seeing no other option than to cry in the school bathroom.

So that's what I did.

For years.

I studied.

I was good.

I got good grades.

I became a professor.

I had made it.

I had reached the top of the career ladder.

I took on projects because I thought: this is what I'm supposed to do, this is how I make the world better.

But it exhausted me.

And I felt empty inside.

Maybe liked by others — but far away from the person I actually was.

I found my right to exist in the things I did.

Work harder.

And harder still.

Be successful, because then you're allowed to take up space.

But jeeez, I got tired of it.

Always pleasing others.

Always busy for others.

No time for the things I actually enjoy.

Which, honestly, are very simple things — reading a book, going for a walk, a good conversation, drawing something, writing a blog, singing and dancing.

Not long ago, I made a new decision.

My toxic people pleasing isn't serving me anymore.

I want to be free of it.

I want to be able to choose myself more often.

To believe that I'm allowed to simply be — just as I am.

That I am enough, without pouring all my energy into what I'm supposed to do.

But it's hard.

That old voice is still there: what are you doing? why are you resting? shouldn't you be tidying the house, doing the laundry, preparing that meeting, submitting a new project proposal, working on a paper, cleaning the gutters…

Finding the right to exist in busyness.

And in those moments, the idea of a People Pleasers Anonymous gives me real comfort.

A group where I could sit down and say: I feel the pull again — to abandon myself, to do things that don't intrinsically interest me, but that will earn me someone else's approval. I'm finding it hard to choose myself.

And where another member, with a gentle voice, could say back: hey, I hear you. I've felt what you're feeling. And I'm so proud of you for trying, every single day, to choose yourself anyway. keep going. follow your own path. the people pleasing can give you a high in the short term — but remember how empty you felt. you don't want to go back there.

In the absence of that group, I'm saying it here, for anyone who wants to read it.

My name is Liesbet and I am a recovering people pleaser.

I'd love to hear from you if you want to recover alongside me.

Toward a life where you choose to walk your own path.

Even when it's hard.

You are not alone.

You are enough.